Topsy Turvy Me

Choas

topsyturvyme — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 16:34:34 +0000

My husband has been gone for a couple of months on a trip for his job. Typically there is a rule for when he is on these trips and that is that if anything is going to go wrong, or if anything is on the verge of breaking, it will do so once he is out of the house. This has always been a true statement and in the past its never really bid a huge deal for me to handle. For some reason this time it has felt like I have been on a sinking ship since the day he left, with only a bucket to try to keep the water out of the boat so I can stay afloat. Some of the things that have gone on are the basement flooding, (which is were both my boys rooms are), that garage flooded, the water softner system had to be cleaned out, had to re-work the plumping for the sump pump, and the dishwasher went out. Typically I can handle stuff like this because being a military spouse you find yourself surrounded by military families that are willing to step up and help out, but for us this assignment is different because we are surrounded by civilians. Now that is not to say that civilians do not help each other out, it is just that with the military there is an instant bond and friendship and I have not been able to mimic that since moving to our current home. Anyway over the past two months I have felt as if the only things I could offer family and friends was complaint after complaint. I do not like being upset all the time because I feel overwhelmed, nor do I enjoy dragging others into my chaos. Well God has decided to step in and give me a reality check. Yesterday I received both good news and tragic news. Here I was complaining about how hard it is to find a job that fits my hours, (because I am a SAHM) and how my life sucked when the owners of my kids TaeKwonDo place offered me a job. I also received a phone call that my step brothers girlfriend had passed away that morning in her sleep. On one hand I was celebrating that finally things were looking up but on the other hand I was sad that this happened to R. Here I have been complaining over the past month about how my life was so chaotic but at least I have been alive the last month to do that. I should be thankful everyday that I wake up in the morning and have another day of life. We take for granted this life we are blessed with and we spend so much of it caught up in negativity and self pity when really what we need to do is step outside, breath in the air, and just be happy being alive. So I have to replace floors in the basement, I have to replace the dishwasher, I have to get my hands dirty fixing a toilet, but so what these things build character and in the big picture of life those things are insignificant. So in honer of Sedora today I am just going to have a little bit of fun and remember to say thanks for another day of my life.

Sex

topsyturvyme — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 18:56:31 +0000

I am so sick and tired of people telling me that its okay for teenagers to be teenagers. When did being a teenager make it okay to have sex, drink, party, do drugs, and what ever else they are doing out there. The reason teens are doing the things they do is because some where along the way we stopped having an issue with it. Instead we hand them condoms and give them safe places or we buy their beer as long as they only drink in our house. We become their friends instead of their parents. Well dammit I am not okay with that. I don’t care if every teenager in America is having sex that does not mean that I have to be okay with my son doing it too. That does not mean that I should just go out to the store and buy him condoms and say Have fun be safe. Hell no.

We have become so laxed in our morals and values and our children show that in thier behaviors. We should not spank our young ones to teach them a lesson. We should not be to harsh because we can damage their self worth. We should make sure their are open line of communication at all times….. well you know what we should also pull our head out of our assess and start being parents. Our kids should know how to eat at a dinner table without chewing with their mouth open. Our kids should know to say yes ma’am and yes sir to adult out of respect. Our kids should know how to survive out in the adult world and how to balance a check book instead of how to a master of sex games because they have been doing it since they were 13.

I am not going to say its part of being a teenager no matter what choices my son makes. I will not allow there to be an excuse for his behavior. I was a teenager once and I did get pregnant so I know what that is like and let me tell you the world had shown me what a fantasy being a young mom could be and I fell for it. I thought that at 17,18 I was in love and that the next step was a baby so I got myself pregnant. I did not know that that choice would lead to nights of not eating dinner so there was enough for my son to eat. I did not know that I would have to choose between new underwear for me or diapers for him. I did not know that I would not have a bed of my own until he was 5 because I could not afford the luxury of furniture. I did not know that my social life was going to go away and that it was going to be him and I against the world, but I do now so with my children I will not be there friend. I will not settle because of what others have decided is okay. I will not condone or encourage him to have unhealthy behaviors. I will not ever say its just part of being a teen because guess up world that idea and thought process is allowing the youth to have babies younger and younger with out really understanding the ramifications of what it will do to their futures.

Teenagers

topsyturvyme — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:43:51 +0000

So much happens in the spans of time between my visits here but there are moments when I just need to share. My son is sixteen years old and for the most part he is an excellent teenager. He normally does what I ask him to do without to much grumbling and he is actively involved in his community and school. He does the sports thing as well as works incredibly hard at his grades. He has big dreams for himself, much bigger than I had when I was sixteen.

When I awoke this morning the air outside was chilly but the sun was peeking through the morning clouds and slowly warming up the ground to bring about a beautiful day. It started off like a typical morning with animals demanding food and to be let outside to go potty. Children running through the house to gather their back packs and making sure they remembered to brush their teeth. Watching them all walk out the door to another day of learning while I walked upstairs to start the task of my own school work. It started off as a typical day, and then there was a buzzing sound…. bzzzz…….bzzzzz. I ignored it thinking nothing really of it but then about five minutes later I heard it again….bzzzz..bzzzzzz. So now I investigated to find it and discovered it was my oldest sons cell phone going off from a text. No big deal I continued to walk around the kitchen and grabbed something to eat and headed off into my office to work. About an hour later as I headed into the kitchen for a soda the buzzing returned. Well now I was curious who would be texting my son during school hours. Now understand there is a no privacy rule in my home with cell phones and internet. My kids are very aware of this and understand it is a condition of having a cell phone that my husband and I pay for. So I looked and the person texting my son was his girlfriend. I asked myself why she would be texting during school hours and read the message only to find she missed her bus so she was just staying home. Something in my gut told me she was bad news and that I should dig further to see what they exactly have been talking about in the two weeks they have been “dating”.

Well I found more than I bargained for. Here my sweet son who does what is expected and normally makes good choices had previously planned to have said girl over to my house so they could do stuff together. When I say do stuff I don’t mean watch disney movies together, no no no they want to do other STUFF. I also see that in the plan the driver who was going to bring girl to my home would only do so if she could raid my liqueur cabinet and then drive back when she or they were done. Now my beautiful warm sunny day has turned into a huge cloud of pissed off mama bear. My first thought was to go to the school drag my son out and beat him, but I knew that was a bit irrational so I waited. I waited and I smoked a lot of cigarettes. My list of to do’s left my mind and instead I found myself stuck in the garage thinking about what the heck I just read. I know that teenagers today have sex. I know that they experiment with alcohol. I know that they make dumb choices. I know this because I was a teenager who did those things but dammit this is my kid.

I decided the best thing to do was to focus on my day and get my normal activities done and then once the other children had gone to bed I would have a conversation with my son. So I did just that. I told him I was doing a phone check to see if he would erase the texts but he did not and he honestly forgot he had that conversation with the girl. In my head I was invisioning buying a chastidy belt for a boy and strapping that sucker on him and locking him in his room until he is thirty but instead I remained calm cool and collected and went over the fact. I explained to him my disappointment in trying to have someone in the hosue while I was gone, the fact that drinking and driving is in no way every permitted, and that if he is going to be grown enough to have sex then he is grown enough to ask for condoms and get the real deal on the risks of teenage sex. By the end of the conversation we both were uncomforable, and he acknowledged his mistakes and decided maybe she was not the right girl for him. I explained that breaking up with her was not my intention but instead to explain the rules, risks, and responsibilites. I cannot say I am sad he dumped her because really any girl that is willing to do “other things” with a boy after one day is not the kind of girl I want with my kid. I also don’t want my son to be one of those kinds of guys.

I know that eventually he is going to have sex. I know eventually he is going to make bad choices. I know that eventually he is going to go all teenager on me. But I also know that today when I woke up to a beautiful cool morning with the sun breaking through the clouds that I had no idea that it was going to be the day that my teenager was going to open doors to some of my worst fears. How my parents did this I have no idea. Being a parent is a constant life lesson and struggle. Its filled with so many wonderful moments and so many sad ones. Being a parent is something I wanted all of my life and I finally understand that no matter how good your kids are, or how much you talk to them and guide them to make the right choices they are human and they have a mind of their own. In the end I can only hope that no matter what he chooses or what he does I only hope is safe and smart. We all have to learn by walking our own paths in life I just know that for my kids I don’t want a moment of bad judgement to change the plans they have for themselves and their futures. Being a parent is one of dream I get to live but damn some days it kicks me in the ass.

I know I know

topsyturvyme — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 16:06:40 +0000

Okay so I owe you seven pictures at this point and actually I have them just have not actually put them up yet. First I will update and then post pictures

1 I am officially a student with ID card and all and I am loving it so far.

2 Snow snow and more snow is great except when you have to shovel said snow out of your three car garage driveway.

3 Monkey did her tumbling competition and place 6th and now gets to go back and compete in finals.

4 Life sucks sometimes and emotions can be really annoying to live with.

5 I heart COD its helps manage my stress levels.

6 I count myself lucky because each day I am seeing more and more of how I am blessed in both family and marriage.

Avoiding

topsyturvyme — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 03:53:05 +0000

Okay so I made a deal that I was going to shoot a photo each day in order to expand my skills and I can now admit that I have failed. I know I know I suck but I have allowed myself to get distracted and be lazy and the en result is not pictures. I have decided that I am going to restart the whole endeavor on the first of February and see if I can do it. I must have a theme though because if I don’t then I am going to struggle to find a picture of the day. I am not sure what the theme is going to be yet but I am working on a few ideas such as things that start with the letters of the alphabet or each month taking pictures of items that begin with the letter of that month. I have not made a decision on that yet just tossing some ideas around. I know that I have slacked off on this which is why its taken me so long to post because I knew that if I logged in to this I would have to admit my failures.
On another note I officially begin school tomorrow and I am very much looking forward to it. I am not sure yet what to expect but I know that I am going to learn a lot and that its going to be a wonderful adventure. I have been out of the classroom environment so long that there is a fear of being “dumb” but the way I see it the only way to get smart again is to suck it up and jump into school. I have gotten to talk to some of my fellow classmates and am looking forward to building relationships with them and hopefully some friendships. I know that these people are going to not only be my competition in four years but also my contacts so I am really hoping to form some solid bonds with them that can last through a lifetime.

Family life is good the kids are all still alive and kicking. We are expected to get a couple of inches of snow this week so I am hoping they do not miss any more school because I really am going to need that time to focus on my studies. If they do miss school I guess we will just have to build snow men and snow forts and I will have to find a time to do school work while they are distracted with other things.

Other things that have been going on…

My best friend went to the doctor to find out she has a lump in her throat so we are waiting to see what that is

The parents divorce is final and there are both good feelings and bad feelings about the results. I am just happy its over and we can all move on.

The man of the house is away for work and will not be home for a week so I am missing him a little at least

The monkey has her first tumbling competition on Sunday so I am hoping she does not get stage fright and can kick butt like I know she is capable of doing.

The teenager started his volunteer work at the animal shelter and is really looking forward to going back. He said its the hardest work he has ever done but loved every minute of it.

The pre-teen went out for a school play last week and unfortunately out of the 105 kids that tried out he was not one of the luckies to make it. Sad face he was really hoping he would get a part but he is still eager to try out next year and also wants to take drama as an elective. Me being a former drama NUT (and I do mean a little crazy for the art of theatre) was so proud of him for trying.

The fuzzies are the fuzzies and running around the house like crazy things but always making me smile because they are so darn cute. The dog cannot run away right now because he is not big enough to get through the snow and he found out the hard way that sinking into it was not a fun idea.

other than that life is good and a new week is upon us. I will keep posting…..

Holidays have past

topsyturvyme — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 15:08:53 +0000

So we made it through the holiday season without a scratch on us. I hope that yours was filled with as many blessings as mine was. I find that during the holidays my spending habits get a little out of control when it comes to my kids and husband. I want nothing more than to give them everything they want and desire. Then once I have spent way to much I feel guilty because I know its not about the gifts its about spending time with each other and being thankful for all that we have but darnit watching them open their gifts makes me feel so good. This year was no different than any other…I overspent and they enjoyed the results of it but now I am back on a budget and trying to pay off the credit cards so that I can again be debt free. I made out like a champ this season as well because my wonderful man and his parents got me an I-Pad. It was really the only thing I wanted but because of my over spending I had expected not to get it because I told the man to not worry about me because I had already bought a few things for myself and put them under the tree. I am glad he did not listen to me because I really really love my new toy. I have already read three book on it and I have only had it two weeks.
I have decided to make a new years resolution – as I am sure many others are doing as well. I thought about the typical ones of getting in shape, quit smoking, start working out, eat better yada yada yada and although I think those are great the reality is I will do them when I am ready and the beginning of the year is not the time for me to quit smoking to much going on and I need my crutch so instead my resolution is in relation to my passion Photography. I have decided that this year I am going to take at least one photo a day even if its only of a flashlight on my desk I am going to take a photo a day and see were my skill is at in one year. Now I know we are already in a few days and I have not started but my start date is officially going to be today because today is the day I put it in the blog so I have to hold myself accountable. I am going to try and share the photo a day with you but no promises… we all know how consistent I am about getting on here.
I am heading to PA this week cause the sister is graduation from collage (again) cause she is so smart and loves the punishment of school, school and more school. The cool part of this trip other than her graduation is my mother, brother, baby sister, big sister, and birth father are all going to be together again for the first time in like 25 years….. CRAZY. Now I have a relationship with all the parties mentioned but not all the parties have a relationship with each other…. so what does that mean for me…. I am going to grab a bag of pop corn and a soda pop and sit back and watch the show!!!!! Just kidding I am eager for them all to get a chance to see each other and remember all the good stuff not any of the bs. Lets hope it turns out like a sappy movie and if it doesn’t well then I guess I will have that pop corn and soda. Other than that nothing else much is happening in this neck of the woods. The little monkey will be 6 next week while I am in PA so we will be doing her Birthday party when I get back and other than that life is good. I am really looking forward to 2011 I think its going to be filled with lots of blessings and opportunities for success. I hope its a good year for all of you as well. Hears to another year of blogging and enjoying each day to its fullest. Till we meet again……

Photography

topsyturvyme — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 19:59:50 +0000

I am part of a photography group in my area ( I may or may not have mentioned this before) and each month we meet and come up with a homework assignment for the next month. Last month we were to work with HDR which is a program in Photo-shop (or other image programs out there) were you take multiple shots of the same photo at different shutter speeds and combine them together to form a new image with deeper detail. The result can be anything from super realistic almost 3D to something that looks like a pastel art project or cartoonish. Having never used any sort of photo tweaking program I was really nervous about this assignment but I went home downloaded a trial version of Photo-shop and started taking pictures. In the beginning I was very frustrated because the photos I took I liked and really had a hard time tweaking them to something that was no longer the original. I felt like I was screwing with my ability to take a picture and turning it into something unrealistic. I felt like I was cheating but I got over that because art is a variety of things not just what I think it is. Some people consider HDR art, some people consider photos that are tweaked beyond recognition of the original shot art, and who was I to decide that I was above this sort of experience. I ended up driving past the graveyard in my town and it had these rows of trees covered in red and orange leaves and they were beautiful. Now being the chicken I am I drove around for about half an hour before I finally talked myself into pulling over getting out of the car and taking some shots of the trees. I did not know what the proper rules are with a graveyard. I have always had a fascination with them and think there is a lot of beauty in them but I did not want to offend someone by walking around taking shots. I ended up taking about 30 pictures of the trees and the lane that circles the grave yard and then came home and stared playing with the HDR some more. By the time I submitted my pieces for the group viewing I think I had 9 total HDR photos completed. I was actually very proud of some of them. At the meeting I got pretty good feed back from the group and then I was surprised to find out that in April as a group we will be hosting some of our pieces in a gallery for the public to view….. my first though OH CRAP! I was a tad freaked out but once I calmed down I realized this is an amazing opportunity and I should be excited. I am not sure what the photos are going to be of yet or how its all going to work out but I did join the committee that is going to arrange the entire things so that I can be in the loop and once I know what I need to be shooting pictures of I will be out there circling around for hours convincing myself to get out of the car and get that shot that I am looking for. I am way excited and cannot wait for the new year. So many amazing things are starting to happen and I cannot believe how incredibly lucky I am. I will try to keep you posted on the events and the process…. hope everyone has a wonderful holiday

I suck at this

topsyturvyme — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 14:52:41 +0000

I have every intention to keep this blog updated but I suck at it so I am sure this will be my last blog post for a couple of months because that seems to be how I do this. What has happened recently … hmmm let me think

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Had family in the town which was nice.

We got our first signs of snow but it was a very small amount which is just the way I like it.

Monkey got invited to a competitive tumbling group through her dance studio.

We bought a new car because the Pontiac died on us, well almost died.

Finished signing up for school and received my books and now just counting down the days till I actually begin.

Did Black Friday shopping and was a little sad that it was not very eventful… everyone acted like humans instead of animals.

Spent to much.

I think that is all…. and now that I am looking at it on the screen my life seems very boring and I swear living it does not feel as boring. I feel like there is always something going on but when I sit down to type on the computer my brain goes to sleep and I loose the ability to think. Probably not a good thing considering my school is online but hey it should be fun. I will try to get back and post more sooner but no promises. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Ideas

topsyturvyme — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 22:02:26 +0000

So I have officially decided that I want to attend the Academy of Art University and because its such an expensive school I came up with an idea. We live in an age were millions of people are at our fingertips with all the social tools out there like facebook and twitter and I am going to use that to my advantage. On my facebook I have started a group for funding my collage through strangers. I know it may sound cheesy but why not? People have used the internet to sell there junk as treasures and to trade items like paperclips for higher value items , so why not put a request out there to see if I can join strangers in a united goal of sending me to collage. I know that it may not work especially in a time were money is so tight amount families but what if it does work, how cool would that be. So far the donations have been from family but that is a start and as word spreads and people share my goal with others maybe just maybe this could turn into something amazing. Once I reach my goal I plan on taking the additional funds and looking into starting a fund for stay at home mothers/fathers so that they also can further themselves while maintaining the priority of home. I am excited about this idea and hope that it grows but if not that is also okay because you know what I am trying new things and breaking out of the norm and for me that is pretty darn exciting. Wish me luck.

Stuff

topsyturvyme — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:09:18 +0000

So the other night my daughter, who has had night terrors her entire life, woke up once again yelling for me. As usually I run into her room climb up her ladder and into her bed to calm her down. When she has the dreams sometimes she is awake enough to tell me what happened and other times I have to try to calm her while she is still asleep, lucky for me tonight she was awake enough to have share time. Here is how our conversation went.

“Monkey whats wrong baby did you have a bad dream”

“Yes mommy there was a bad part”

“Do you want to tell mommy about it”

“Well we were eating tortellini and I turned around and when I looked back at my plate (insert very heavy sobs) SOMEONE STOLE MY TORTELLINI”

now at this point I am doing everything I can to not giggle but its not really working out so well.

“Monkey someone stole your tortellini I am so sorry”

” YA and I don’t know who did it” more crying

“well was mommy in your dream with some tortellini?”

“yes”

“then you close your eyes and go back to your dream and you can have all moms tortellini and you tell whoever took your food that mommy has a knuckle sandwich for them okay”

“okay”

“remember mommy’s tortellini”

“mommy’s tortellini”

“and remember knuckle sandwhiches”

“knuckle sandwiches”

and she went back to bed. Now you have to understand that as a mommy of a little girl whenever she has woken up from these scary dreams she is sobbing and sweating and you feel so totally bad for your child because you cannot make all the scary things go away. In the past 5 years that we have been dealing with this I always imagined the worst things in her head but no it was only her food that was stolen that broke her little heart. Once I climbed down from her bed and finished giggling I thought to myself thank goodness it was not mac and Cheese that was stolen in her dream because that is her favorite and if that had happened I am pretty sure she would need therapy to deal with it.