I have not taken the family to do a family photo in over three years so this year I thought why not… The last time we were in a photo dressed up together my daughter was under a year old and now she is getting ready to turn four. On Monday I dressed both in red button up shirts with tie and black pants, while my daughter wore a black and white dress and I had on a black and red dress. After waiting for an hour to be seen we finally were taken back to do our pictures. I was not thrilled with the service but I did see a few shots that I was excited about. Once we finished getting up and down, moving here and there we waited again for another hour to start going through the photos and pick our favorites. I finally asked the ladies if I could just come back the following day to go through the photos because it was already 8:30 at night and the kids and I were starving. We headed out afterwards to Olive Garden and had a wonderful meal. Today I headed back up to the photo shop and waited for another 30 minutes to be sat down in front of a computer only to spend the next hour and a half staring at the same photos over and over again. As I looked at the photos I noticed that in over half of the pictures my bra or boob was sticking out for all to see. I was disappointed and asked the lady if my children and I could come back and showed her my reason. She apologized and said pick out the ones you like of what we have and then we can schedule a re shoot as well. I sat for another 30 minutes and then finally asked if I could come back again and go through the photo’s once I had my new photos and she said fine. So Thursday the kids and I will put back on our clothes and set out to take the photo’s again. Lets hope the third time is a charm and that no boobs end up on film.

So last weekend the kids and I drove out to Portland to go see my sister and BIL. I ended up having an extra kids so that I could help out a friend and other than the occasional wrestle war that broke out they did really well. My sister was going to cook for us but I could not get the idea of going out to dinner out of my mind. I really wanted to have a little of the good food she has exposed me too in all the wonderful restaurants around the area. We ended up going to this place that has my lemon pepper chicken. What they dish is is pieces of chicken fingers with a ranch, lemon sauce and then you sqeeze fresh lemon into the sauce. It is heaven in your mouth. I loved it. Once we finished eatine we headed back to my sisters house and then we hung out having some beverage and playing the monkey sack game (don’t ask). This week has gone by so fast. I think because the kids were off of school on Tuesday and had half days Wednesday through Friday. Now its Saturday again and me and all the ladies are going out to night to paint the town. I love being able to have girls night out especially with G gone it makes it nice to get away and not be mommy for a night. I am very lucky to have a sweet teenager who does not mind watching his brother and sister every now and then. I am sure it will be fun.

Random thing. I was on myspace the other day and my best friend from middle school found me and it got me to thinking about who else was on there that I once knew in my life. I found my first kiss. The sad thing is I remember him being a huge part of my life but I don’t think he even knows who I am . Its funny how our memories work we share them with people all the time but some are more important than others. It ws nice to find him and catch up. He  has done well in his life and that makes me happy. He was the perfect boyfriend when we were together with the opening of car doors, and leaving roses on my door step in the middle of the night after evey date we had. He broke my heart back then and it seemed so tragic at the time and now the memory of it all makes me smile. Life is funny how it all works. Anyway laundry is yelling at me to get folded so have a wonderful weekend all and I will talk to you soon.

So yesterday I started my new routine of the gym and OMG I think the instructor killed me. It was an hour of intense working out for my entire body. I actually had to walk out and take a five minute break at one point because I thought I was going to pass out. Today I feel like I died again because all of my muscles are throbbing and telling me that it is not normal for me to do things like this to my body. I loved the class though and in a sick way I love feeling this sore. I had every intention of going back today for another class but I physically would not be able to, so instead I am going to go and do yoga with the Monkey and then go swimming. I figure as long as I do something I should be good but tomorrow I will be heading to another class.

My little sister whom I adore came into town recently and we tried to get together but were unable to until this evening. I wanted so badly for her to be able to meet my older sister because the two have never actually met in 18 years. I remember when my baby sister was little my older sister had resentment toward her and I always prayed that one day that anger would dimish and she would have a desire to get to know her. That day is finally arriving but unfortunatly due timing they just were not able to get together. Anyway I was able to pick her up and take her out to dinner and it was so wonderful. I was hesitant to go to her mothers house because we have a very negative history and I don’t want her to be exposed to my kids (the mother not my sister) but out of the kindness of my heart and okward situations she did get to meet my kids. She took pictures and paraded around like we were her long lost family it was sick and twisted. The feeling of her arms wrapped around me hugging me was repulsive to the point that I actually felt sick to my stomach. I want to throw up in her face and kick her ass and all kinds of horrible things but instead I held down my need to hurl and just stood there while she hugged me and claimed how much she loved me. Once we finished with the ackwardness Ash and I along with our kids headed out to mexican for dinner. We discussed things from our past and I relized how really messed up her mom actually is. She seems to honestly believe her version of our histories because nothing that us kids remember doe she remember the same. My baby sister has had to see alot with her family and had to grow up rather fast as did all of us girls. Although the three of us grew up so different and not even in the same houses all the time we ended up with very similar stories. We are all young mothers, we have all fought our own demons to find belief in ourselves, we have all struggled to get to were we are, and we all have an amazing strength within us. I loved seeing  my little sister today and getting to be part of knowing what a wonderful woman she has become. i cannot wait to get to know her in the future.

Tonight (actually I think now it would be last night) G decided that we should go ahead and carve the pumpkins since he will be leaving soon. He has not been able to spend a single Halloween with his daughter so he wanted to at least have the memories of pumpkin carving with her. Normally we would have waited until a couple of days before Halloween so the pumpkins stay fresh looking. It was a lot of fun. We had four pumpkins one for each of the boys, G had his and then monkey and I shaired. D decided to do an alien pumpkin, while J decided on a skull, G was doing a dracula (I think) and Monkey picked out the cat for us (which she named Hello Kitty). We all cut our pumpkin tops and then proceeded to gut and deseed our pumpkins. Monkey refused to help me take the guts our of hers because she did not want to have dirty hands. At one point I made her stick her hands in and you would have thought she was holding slime the way she pulled back in disgust. Don’t get me wrong I am a girl and I hate to get dirty but sometimes you just have to reach in and pull all the nasty slimey stuff out. I then cleaned all the pumpkin seeds and began to bake them. I decided to make two different batches one regular and one spicey. We all finished up our pumpkins and then headed outside to light the candles and watch them glow in the cold fall night. I love this time of year there is so much to do and my family always seems to get closer its just to bad that G is going to miss it all. Well here are some photos to shair of the evening. Hope you had fun carving your pumpkins as well…….

So we decided to go take the kids to the pumpkin patch today since G is going to be leaving here shortly. We headed out about 2 in the afternoon to the same place we got out pumpkins last year and our Christmas tree. I really like the place because its never overcrowded and they have a ton of activities for the kids. Once we arrieved we purchased our tickets for the rides and headed over to let the kids pet the goats and Llamma. Monkey was very into it she just loves all of the animals. D liked it as well he wanted to climb into the goat pen so he could pet the babies and J was kinda off to the side, he is at that age were he wants to do the family stuff but not have anyone know he is actually having fun. Once we finished with the animals we headed out to let the boys ride on the super slide while their baby sister road the pony. Last year she screamed at the idea of being stuck on the saddle of the massive pony but this year she was excited. I even got her to pet it. After we finished with those activities we decided that as a family we would do the big corn maze and try to find all the hole punchers for the map we had. We ended up only finding two of the four hole punchers but we ran out of time so we headed to the end so we could ride the train out to the pumpkin patch to pick our perfect pumpkins. Once we got out to the fields we spent about an hour searching through all the pumpkins and finally settled on four to take home with us. Once we weighed and paid for the pumpkins we headed back in to pet the goats one last time before leaving while G put the pumpkins in the car when G walks up to me to let me know that he and our oldest managed to lock the keys in the car. We spent the next hour waiting for a locksmith and then grabbed stuff for grilled cheese and headed home. Now the kids are all asleep and tomorrow if we have time we will carve our new pumpkins and put them out for display. I love this time of year with the turning leaves and the family time. I only wish G would be here all winter oh well maybe next year.

Okay I know I said I would get back to you sooner but this vacation to come home has brought so much that its hard to find the words to explain it all. I have loved this trip home because I have been able to renew old friendships, catch up on family members, and have a blast from the past walk back into my life. It has been an adventure all in its own of which I never expected. I love being back with the kids because they bring such a joy and light to my life that when they are away is always missing. I do plan on getting on here soon (more than likely it will be when I get home) because there is so much in my head that I just need to get out. So for now here is a list of things to come.

Update on SIL and her kiddos

Update on Inlaws and about my new lense

Update on parents divorce

Update on birth father and family

Update on C coming back into the picture

Update on move to new house

Update on friends that I have missed and cannot wait to only be 7 hours from

I think that is really all for now… I will address all of those things and then deal with any new ones. So until then hope all is well with you.

see you soon

They took her off life support and she passed. Its funny how its Friday the 13th that old Irish broad had to go out on a famous day. I have not dealt with imense amount of saddness or guilt in my heart because I want to stay strong for those around me. I will deal with it later because I will have to but for now I will look at the good stuff like she no longer has to suffer and she gets to watch over me and my family from Heaven.
Grannie thanks for all the memories and the coffee cake.

Love lex

I have been scarce lately because things in my life have been a little chaotic. My family is one that is full of love and support and comes from generations of strong woman with strong men standing behind us. We are known for our ability to listen and wisdom beyond our years. The woman of my family are cursed with experiencing some of the most horrific things man can do and yet we remain strong and continue our faith in human kind. We are passionate and beautiful with souls as old as the generations before us. Today the woman of my family are in mourning due to being on the verge of losing one of our stongest, my grandmother. I remember her always being so serious and proper. She was a beautiful woman full of grace and dignity. She always carried herself in a manner that drew people to her and she has always been surrounded by people who would walk on fire just to keep her from harm. The one thing none of us could protect her from though was age and illness, both which have dug their claws in to her and seem to be winning the battle of life and death. Death does not bother me because I know it is inevitable and that in my mind there is something greater for us all on the other end. I am not afraid of dying I am only afraid of leaving those I love behind. I have been preparing for this day for along time and yet now that I know that death has his hold on my beloved grandmother it is scary the piss out of me. When she does pass it will mean there will be no more dances to Frank Sinatra, or shopping trips to pick up coffee cake and real butter. With her death a piece of us all with also die because there is not a soul who has met her that has not fallen in love. She is the apitomy of a perfect woman even in all of her flaws, she is the type of person you long to become like and that you feel blessed just to have known. I am deeply saddened to be losing her and although I know that death will end all of her suffering there is a part of me praying with all of my being that life will stay in her body and she will remain her for me to know. The hardest part for me is that I have not called her in so long and recently I sent her a photo album that I have been promising for months and its arrival has been to late. She is not awake or aware long enough to know that it is in her home or to look at its pages. I pray that she can be okay long enough to see the pictures and that she can die in peace feeling a little bit closer to her family that is spread across this continent. I love her so much that words really could never do the love justice. I will miss her if she does lose this fight and goes on to the next life but I will be happy for her because all of her pain will finally be over and the torch she has carried for so long will pass on to my mother.

I love you grannie and I am sorry I was not a better grandchild I know you would love to see the pictures and I hope that God grants you a chance to do so even if it is from heaven.

Love your “favorite”

You will never know how much you have done for me. You saved my life when no one else could have. So many tried but my pain and fear kept them at a distance. So many had to watch me slowly fall deeper and deeper into a life that had no meaning anymore, but then in my darkest time you came and I found a reason to live. I will always have a softer spot for you because even when you were frail and completely dependent on me I was also frail and dependent on you. We have come so far and I know we will get even further. Happy Birthday my baby boy I cannot believe you are growing up so fast. Thank God you were given to me because I could not imagine a more amazing son to have come from my body. I love you