So much happens in the spans of time between my visits here but there are moments when I just need to share. My son is sixteen years old and for the most part he is an excellent teenager. He normally does what I ask him to do without to much grumbling and he is actively involved in his community and school. He does the sports thing as well as works incredibly hard at his grades. He has big dreams for himself, much bigger than I had when I was sixteen.
When I awoke this morning the air outside was chilly but the sun was peeking through the morning clouds and slowly warming up the ground to bring about a beautiful day. It started off like a typical morning with animals demanding food and to be let outside to go potty. Children running through the house to gather their back packs and making sure they remembered to brush their teeth. Watching them all walk out the door to another day of learning while I walked upstairs to start the task of my own school work. It started off as a typical day, and then there was a buzzing sound…. bzzzz…….bzzzzz. I ignored it thinking nothing really of it but then about five minutes later I heard it again….bzzzz..bzzzzzz. So now I investigated to find it and discovered it was my oldest sons cell phone going off from a text. No big deal I continued to walk around the kitchen and grabbed something to eat and headed off into my office to work. About an hour later as I headed into the kitchen for a soda the buzzing returned. Well now I was curious who would be texting my son during school hours. Now understand there is a no privacy rule in my home with cell phones and internet. My kids are very aware of this and understand it is a condition of having a cell phone that my husband and I pay for. So I looked and the person texting my son was his girlfriend. I asked myself why she would be texting during school hours and read the message only to find she missed her bus so she was just staying home. Something in my gut told me she was bad news and that I should dig further to see what they exactly have been talking about in the two weeks they have been “dating”.
Well I found more than I bargained for. Here my sweet son who does what is expected and normally makes good choices had previously planned to have said girl over to my house so they could do stuff together. When I say do stuff I don’t mean watch disney movies together, no no no they want to do other STUFF. I also see that in the plan the driver who was going to bring girl to my home would only do so if she could raid my liqueur cabinet and then drive back when she or they were done. Now my beautiful warm sunny day has turned into a huge cloud of pissed off mama bear. My first thought was to go to the school drag my son out and beat him, but I knew that was a bit irrational so I waited. I waited and I smoked a lot of cigarettes. My list of to do’s left my mind and instead I found myself stuck in the garage thinking about what the heck I just read. I know that teenagers today have sex. I know that they experiment with alcohol. I know that they make dumb choices. I know this because I was a teenager who did those things but dammit this is my kid.
I decided the best thing to do was to focus on my day and get my normal activities done and then once the other children had gone to bed I would have a conversation with my son. So I did just that. I told him I was doing a phone check to see if he would erase the texts but he did not and he honestly forgot he had that conversation with the girl. In my head I was invisioning buying a chastidy belt for a boy and strapping that sucker on him and locking him in his room until he is thirty but instead I remained calm cool and collected and went over the fact. I explained to him my disappointment in trying to have someone in the hosue while I was gone, the fact that drinking and driving is in no way every permitted, and that if he is going to be grown enough to have sex then he is grown enough to ask for condoms and get the real deal on the risks of teenage sex. By the end of the conversation we both were uncomforable, and he acknowledged his mistakes and decided maybe she was not the right girl for him. I explained that breaking up with her was not my intention but instead to explain the rules, risks, and responsibilites. I cannot say I am sad he dumped her because really any girl that is willing to do “other things” with a boy after one day is not the kind of girl I want with my kid. I also don’t want my son to be one of those kinds of guys.
I know that eventually he is going to have sex. I know eventually he is going to make bad choices. I know that eventually he is going to go all teenager on me. But I also know that today when I woke up to a beautiful cool morning with the sun breaking through the clouds that I had no idea that it was going to be the day that my teenager was going to open doors to some of my worst fears. How my parents did this I have no idea. Being a parent is a constant life lesson and struggle. Its filled with so many wonderful moments and so many sad ones. Being a parent is something I wanted all of my life and I finally understand that no matter how good your kids are, or how much you talk to them and guide them to make the right choices they are human and they have a mind of their own. In the end I can only hope that no matter what he chooses or what he does I only hope is safe and smart. We all have to learn by walking our own paths in life I just know that for my kids I don’t want a moment of bad judgement to change the plans they have for themselves and their futures. Being a parent is one of dream I get to live but damn some days it kicks me in the ass.
