So last weekend the kids and I drove out to Portland to go see my sister and BIL. I ended up having an extra kids so that I could help out a friend and other than the occasional wrestle war that broke out they did really well. My sister was going to cook for us but I could not get the idea of going out to dinner out of my mind. I really wanted to have a little of the good food she has exposed me too in all the wonderful restaurants around the area. We ended up going to this place that has my lemon pepper chicken. What they dish is is pieces of chicken fingers with a ranch, lemon sauce and then you sqeeze fresh lemon into the sauce. It is heaven in your mouth. I loved it. Once we finished eatine we headed back to my sisters house and then we hung out having some beverage and playing the monkey sack game (don’t ask). This week has gone by so fast. I think because the kids were off of school on Tuesday and had half days Wednesday through Friday. Now its Saturday again and me and all the ladies are going out to night to paint the town. I love being able to have girls night out especially with G gone it makes it nice to get away and not be mommy for a night. I am very lucky to have a sweet teenager who does not mind watching his brother and sister every now and then. I am sure it will be fun.

Random thing. I was on myspace the other day and my best friend from middle school found me and it got me to thinking about who else was on there that I once knew in my life. I found my first kiss. The sad thing is I remember him being a huge part of my life but I don’t think he even knows who I am . Its funny how our memories work we share them with people all the time but some are more important than others. It ws nice to find him and catch up. He  has done well in his life and that makes me happy. He was the perfect boyfriend when we were together with the opening of car doors, and leaving roses on my door step in the middle of the night after evey date we had. He broke my heart back then and it seemed so tragic at the time and now the memory of it all makes me smile. Life is funny how it all works. Anyway laundry is yelling at me to get folded so have a wonderful weekend all and I will talk to you soon.

Okay Okay I know that we all have those days were everything just gets to you and today is one of those days for me. Let me start off by saying I have a good life, no a great life. My husband is a hard working airman who is constantly called away from home to do things for his country and I love him for that. He brings home the bacon and misses a lot of his family time because of his dedication to this land we love. Because of what he is doing I have been blessed for the last three and a half years to be able to stay at home with the kids and be a constant part of their lives. The things he misses I am there for, the holidays he spends in a hotel room I am here for, times they are sick and he cannot get home I am ready with thermometer and bucket in hand for. I do appreciate all that I have but today I am feeling down and just need to get it all out. Any military wife will tell you that the law of being military is when the husband is away things always break, its like the cardinal rule of deployments.

The holidays are approaching fast and as soon as they are done in my family we have a birthday every month until April so things tend to stay busy for us financially. This year my husband is missing all of the holidays because he is deployed so once again I am home alone to take care of all things necessary. So begins our area of broken things. First we lost the dryer not a huge deal we went and purchased a new one knowing it would be paid off no later than April. Then there was the call about his computer and how it no longer works because it somehow fell on the floor and he really needs a new one. Okay I guess we kind find that in the budget but then the deep freezer decided to go out. Not a huge deal except for the 300 dollars worth of grocery I had sitting in it that are all now bad and have to be tossed. I just feel like sometimes life is so financially impossible. I want to travel with the kids and expose them to wonders of the world. I want to take them skiing in the mountains, biking on great trails, to the zoo, the wolf retreat, or just for a day of Chuck E Cheese. I don’t want to have to save for three months for a night of bowling and a movie. I want to be able to buy that really cute pair of shoes even if they are not on sale. I want to not always have to be alone with things go nuts. I don’t always want to have to say no we can’t do that and try to explain to the kids a better reason than we don’t have enough money. I have been broke to the point of skipping meals so that there was enough for my son to eat. I have been broke to the point of walking through Sams club for the taste testers just for lunch. I am not in that situation now and rationally I know that but emotionally today I just feel tired. I am not the type of person who wants a fancy house, or fancy cars, I want simple things for the most part. But I do want to buy what I want when I want like flowers for a friend who is sad, or gift for someone who really wants something but can’t afford it. I want to spoil my family with experiences regardless of their cost. I know that many of you feel the same way as I do and I also know that many of you would kill to be in my shoes. Like I said today is just a pitty party and tomorrow I will suck it up and grow up and appreciate what I have….