So yesterday I started my new routine of the gym and OMG I think the instructor killed me. It was an hour of intense working out for my entire body. I actually had to walk out and take a five minute break at one point because I thought I was going to pass out. Today I feel like I died again because all of my muscles are throbbing and telling me that it is not normal for me to do things like this to my body. I loved the class though and in a sick way I love feeling this sore. I had every intention of going back today for another class but I physically would not be able to, so instead I am going to go and do yoga with the Monkey and then go swimming. I figure as long as I do something I should be good but tomorrow I will be heading to another class.

So this morning I joined my friends to say good bye to our guys in uniform as they depart for the sandbox to fullfill their military duty to our great nation. I am always saddened and touched by the faces of the families left behind who do their best to hold back the tears as they watch their soilder, airmen, sailors, or other military member walk out the door. We have no real understanding as to what our family members are doing over their because you can only experience so much through their words. I cannot imagine walking away from my family for any amount of time for the greater good. I cannot imagine having such devotion to faceless people that I would give up all the matters most to me to do the dangerous job. Yes it is hard on us back at home to try and continue life as normal when half of us is missing but at leaste we are in familiar surroundings with family and friends. At least we are still in our comfort zones. All I can say is I am proud to be a military dependent and I am honored to know these brave men and woman who fight the fight so I don’t have to. God bless you guys and keep safe we will keep your place ready for the day you return.

My little sister whom I adore came into town recently and we tried to get together but were unable to until this evening. I wanted so badly for her to be able to meet my older sister because the two have never actually met in 18 years. I remember when my baby sister was little my older sister had resentment toward her and I always prayed that one day that anger would dimish and she would have a desire to get to know her. That day is finally arriving but unfortunatly due timing they just were not able to get together. Anyway I was able to pick her up and take her out to dinner and it was so wonderful. I was hesitant to go to her mothers house because we have a very negative history and I don’t want her to be exposed to my kids (the mother not my sister) but out of the kindness of my heart and okward situations she did get to meet my kids. She took pictures and paraded around like we were her long lost family it was sick and twisted. The feeling of her arms wrapped around me hugging me was repulsive to the point that I actually felt sick to my stomach. I want to throw up in her face and kick her ass and all kinds of horrible things but instead I held down my need to hurl and just stood there while she hugged me and claimed how much she loved me. Once we finished with the ackwardness Ash and I along with our kids headed out to mexican for dinner. We discussed things from our past and I relized how really messed up her mom actually is. She seems to honestly believe her version of our histories because nothing that us kids remember doe she remember the same. My baby sister has had to see alot with her family and had to grow up rather fast as did all of us girls. Although the three of us grew up so different and not even in the same houses all the time we ended up with very similar stories. We are all young mothers, we have all fought our own demons to find belief in ourselves, we have all struggled to get to were we are, and we all have an amazing strength within us. I loved seeing  my little sister today and getting to be part of knowing what a wonderful woman she has become. i cannot wait to get to know her in the future.

Okay so G left and is now in the location were he will spend the next couple of months of his life. I always allow myself 24hours of being sad before I make myself pick up and move on with things that I have going on. I hit that 24hour mark this morning but extended it until the afternoon because Monkey and I were having fun watching all of the Halloween movies together. Now I have to go back to being mom and household runner. I have laundry to do, rooms to clean, dinner, to cook and its friday so I have a party to attend. I miss my husband when he is gone but I am so much more productive because I have to fill the lonely time with things to do….. so we begin another leg of the life of  military wife. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Tonight (actually I think now it would be last night) G decided that we should go ahead and carve the pumpkins since he will be leaving soon. He has not been able to spend a single Halloween with his daughter so he wanted to at least have the memories of pumpkin carving with her. Normally we would have waited until a couple of days before Halloween so the pumpkins stay fresh looking. It was a lot of fun. We had four pumpkins one for each of the boys, G had his and then monkey and I shaired. D decided to do an alien pumpkin, while J decided on a skull, G was doing a dracula (I think) and Monkey picked out the cat for us (which she named Hello Kitty). We all cut our pumpkin tops and then proceeded to gut and deseed our pumpkins. Monkey refused to help me take the guts our of hers because she did not want to have dirty hands. At one point I made her stick her hands in and you would have thought she was holding slime the way she pulled back in disgust. Don’t get me wrong I am a girl and I hate to get dirty but sometimes you just have to reach in and pull all the nasty slimey stuff out. I then cleaned all the pumpkin seeds and began to bake them. I decided to make two different batches one regular and one spicey. We all finished up our pumpkins and then headed outside to light the candles and watch them glow in the cold fall night. I love this time of year there is so much to do and my family always seems to get closer its just to bad that G is going to miss it all. Well here are some photos to shair of the evening. Hope you had fun carving your pumpkins as well…….

So we decided to go take the kids to the pumpkin patch today since G is going to be leaving here shortly. We headed out about 2 in the afternoon to the same place we got out pumpkins last year and our Christmas tree. I really like the place because its never overcrowded and they have a ton of activities for the kids. Once we arrieved we purchased our tickets for the rides and headed over to let the kids pet the goats and Llamma. Monkey was very into it she just loves all of the animals. D liked it as well he wanted to climb into the goat pen so he could pet the babies and J was kinda off to the side, he is at that age were he wants to do the family stuff but not have anyone know he is actually having fun. Once we finished with the animals we headed out to let the boys ride on the super slide while their baby sister road the pony. Last year she screamed at the idea of being stuck on the saddle of the massive pony but this year she was excited. I even got her to pet it. After we finished with those activities we decided that as a family we would do the big corn maze and try to find all the hole punchers for the map we had. We ended up only finding two of the four hole punchers but we ran out of time so we headed to the end so we could ride the train out to the pumpkin patch to pick our perfect pumpkins. Once we got out to the fields we spent about an hour searching through all the pumpkins and finally settled on four to take home with us. Once we weighed and paid for the pumpkins we headed back in to pet the goats one last time before leaving while G put the pumpkins in the car when G walks up to me to let me know that he and our oldest managed to lock the keys in the car. We spent the next hour waiting for a locksmith and then grabbed stuff for grilled cheese and headed home. Now the kids are all asleep and tomorrow if we have time we will carve our new pumpkins and put them out for display. I love this time of year with the turning leaves and the family time. I only wish G would be here all winter oh well maybe next year.

Okay so I know that I have been gone forever and so much has been going on but I am going to again try to get better about coming back to you more often. I would love to catch you up but it almost seems impossible… I have been overwhelmed at the idea of sitting here at my computer and finding the words to describe that past two months of my life but I have been coming up blank so instead of trying to play catch up I am just going to move forward and fill in the gaps as they come. My husband is getting ready to deploy here in the near future and although him being gone is nothing new I know that this deployment is going to be different. We have not been married for many years but we have found this place in our marriage were we seem to be more friends than lovers. We spend more time apart than together and when we have time together we find ways to make it about the kids, friends, or something else instead of just one on one time. I know that a lot of marriages go through this so I am just waiting for it to get better but my worry is that the distance is just going to grow while he is gone. We used to sit and watch tv together or hang out on the patio talking and smoking our cigarettes but those times are few and far between. I have been quiting smoking for a while now (meaning I smoke when I drink) and the smell of cigarettes drives me crazy so I have no desire to be physically close to him. This situation makes it very difficult to get close. I also have this tendency to shut down and pull away when I know he is leaving because it makes the idea of him being gone easier to bear. I have three children so when he leaves I have to focus on my family and staying strong in order to not send signals to the kids that they have anything to worry about. I get very wrapped up in my life as a “single” mom of three and almost forget I have a husband that is away. I have to go on and focus on what is in front of me instead of how many men have been killed or were the war is escalating. I am hoping that I am wrong and that this deployment is like all the others… he leaves I handle the home-front he comes home we work him back into the house and then life goes on…. I hope… I guess time will tell. For now I will work on the things I can control like the house cleaning, kids, myself and maybe scheduling at least one romantic night before he leaves so we can have some alone time…. I will keep you posted