They took her off life support and she passed. Its funny how its Friday the 13th that old Irish broad had to go out on a famous day. I have not dealt with imense amount of saddness or guilt in my heart because I want to stay strong for those around me. I will deal with it later because I will have to but for now I will look at the good stuff like she no longer has to suffer and she gets to watch over me and my family from Heaven.
Grannie thanks for all the memories and the coffee cake.

Love lex

Tonight my mother called to let me know that on Friday they will be pulling the “plug” on my grannie. They are not going to have a memorial or burial until once my grandfather passes some day and then at that point they will take both there ashes have a huge party and let them float away on the ocean waters of the Florida Keys. It all seems so appropriate considering some of out greatest memories happened in the keys. I loved it there and Florida has always felt like a home to me because nothing bad ever happened there. I am okay with my Grannie passing I am just so torn because of the scrapbook. Why did I not send it a week earlier. Why did God not see it okay to make her better again just so she could see the pictures. Why does the end have to be filled with guilt on top of the saddness. I know that I should not feel guilty but with death the two emotions seem to always go hand in hand. I love her so much and I know how much she would have enjoyed looking at the photos but instead I was to late and she will leave without having seen a recent picture of her family. My heart is so heavy right now with saddness that I want to just scream to the heavens at how injust it all seems but I will stay strong. I still have kids and things to take care of my mourning will be done in silence because only Grannie truely will know how much I miss her for she is going to be the one watching over me from heaven.

I have been scarce lately because things in my life have been a little chaotic. My family is one that is full of love and support and comes from generations of strong woman with strong men standing behind us. We are known for our ability to listen and wisdom beyond our years. The woman of my family are cursed with experiencing some of the most horrific things man can do and yet we remain strong and continue our faith in human kind. We are passionate and beautiful with souls as old as the generations before us. Today the woman of my family are in mourning due to being on the verge of losing one of our stongest, my grandmother. I remember her always being so serious and proper. She was a beautiful woman full of grace and dignity. She always carried herself in a manner that drew people to her and she has always been surrounded by people who would walk on fire just to keep her from harm. The one thing none of us could protect her from though was age and illness, both which have dug their claws in to her and seem to be winning the battle of life and death. Death does not bother me because I know it is inevitable and that in my mind there is something greater for us all on the other end. I am not afraid of dying I am only afraid of leaving those I love behind. I have been preparing for this day for along time and yet now that I know that death has his hold on my beloved grandmother it is scary the piss out of me. When she does pass it will mean there will be no more dances to Frank Sinatra, or shopping trips to pick up coffee cake and real butter. With her death a piece of us all with also die because there is not a soul who has met her that has not fallen in love. She is the apitomy of a perfect woman even in all of her flaws, she is the type of person you long to become like and that you feel blessed just to have known. I am deeply saddened to be losing her and although I know that death will end all of her suffering there is a part of me praying with all of my being that life will stay in her body and she will remain her for me to know. The hardest part for me is that I have not called her in so long and recently I sent her a photo album that I have been promising for months and its arrival has been to late. She is not awake or aware long enough to know that it is in her home or to look at its pages. I pray that she can be okay long enough to see the pictures and that she can die in peace feeling a little bit closer to her family that is spread across this continent. I love her so much that words really could never do the love justice. I will miss her if she does lose this fight and goes on to the next life but I will be happy for her because all of her pain will finally be over and the torch she has carried for so long will pass on to my mother.

I love you grannie and I am sorry I was not a better grandchild I know you would love to see the pictures and I hope that God grants you a chance to do so even if it is from heaven.

Love your “favorite”