I find if odd that when evaluation my list of friends there are only a couple that I truly consider people. Not because the others are bad but the others don’t really know me, they seem instead to keep me in their phone book to fill a spot at their next Mary Kay party, or so that they know someone at an event or even just as someone to fill the void when they are bored and lonely. I seem to have a tendency to surround myself with these types of people and I am sure it is partly due to a lack of self-confidence. I grew up as one of those odd looking children that just did not fit into a mold of hot or not. I was skinny and awkward and had no idea about fashion or how to accent my good features. Needless to say the enresult was that I surrounded myself with people who kept me around because they needed something from me. My “best friend” of almost 8 years is even one of those people. I love her but over the last 8 years I have come to realize that she is very self centered and I am here to make her feel good about choices she makes or just to be a matt that she walks over when she needs to feel superior. I don’t blame this behavior on her because we dictate how people in our lives are going to treat us by teaching them what is acceptable and what is not. I have created a world were I allow people to only get so close to me before I because something I am not to avoid anyone being able to hurt me. I think the only people who really know me are my children because I have never felt a need to protect myself with them. They love me no matter what… now that may change in a couple of years but for now they love and admire me and think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread.
I am not really even sure what got me on this tangent about people but I did and now its a blog maybe they are just thoughts I needed to get out of my head that happens sometimes. Now I really must go and handle my household stuff like the ten loads of laundry that are screaming my name.

Okay so I have had a blog before but I found that sharing it with the people around me really limited my ability to vent discuss or be truly honest about what chaos was in my life at the moment for fear of judgments or backlash. My wonderful sis was kind enough to help me create a new blog were I can remain myself and just be stupid or pissed and not care who reads what I have written or feel a need to sensor it. I am a military wife with three beautiful children who has the luxury of being able to stay home with my youngest McD. We have a dog that is a pain in my ass and the suckerfish that refuses to die even though he is the only one left. Then there is our ever so friendly neighborhood, which I am, sure will fill many of my future blogs. I am not the most interesting or well spoken person as you will find but I am me and I like that so here I am hope you enjoy and if not that’s cool.